WorstBest Birthday Ever
by StarWarrior72
Summary: When the stress finally gets through to Luke he does something that both he and Han, who is forced to bear witness, think is incredibly stupid. Happy Birthday to Basil! Or Mallow! Or Moss! I don't even know who I was PMing!


"Hey, Kid, where've you been? We missed you at breakfast." Han said, poking his head into Luke's room on the _Falcon._

Luke was sitting on his bed, facing the wall, his shoulders shaking slightly.

"Luke? Are you all right?" Han asked, suddenly concerned.

Luke still didn't answer.

"Kid?"

Luke slumped over sideways, resting his head on his pillow, but still not turning around.

"Kid? You're scaring me, Kid," Han walked to the boy's bunk and rolled him over.

Tears glistened on Luke's cheeks, his blue eyes rimmed with red.

"What's wrong?"

Luke pulled himself up and pressed against Han so suddenly he nearly knocked his new friend over.

"Whoa, Kid. You're going to knock me down if you're not careful."

Luke gave a sniffle that sounded surprisingly apologetic for such a nondescript sound and pulled away, turning back towards the wall.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have let myself go like that."

Han sat down next to him, "Come on, Kid. You know I was only kidding. If knocking me over would make you feel better, go ahead and knock me over."

Luke stayed facing the wall, "I shouldn't bother you."

"You don't bother me. It's when you do this that bothers me. What's wrong?"

Luke sniffled and turned further away, "It's nothing. You should go back to Leia's party."

"Luke," Han said warningly.

"It's nothing!"

"I can't believe that when it's obviously not true, Luke."

"You're going to have to," Luke mumbled, "Because I can't tell you what's wrong."

Han sighed, putting his arm around the still-shaking shoulders, "Luke, please tell me."

"I can't. I'll ruin your day."

"Kid, seeing you like this and refusing to let me help is ruining my day."

Luke turned to his friend and smiled slightly, "Thanks, Han, but you don't need to hear this. I barely even know you. You don't need to make me feel better every time I get a bit down."

"Anyone who sleeps on my ship can come to me for help," Han said.

"Yeah. I guess I should try to get another place to sleep. I mean, you want to go and everything, and I wouldn't want to stop you from doing what you want."

"I thought you wanted me to stay," Han said, mystified.

"I do. But I shouldn't be selfish like that. You should go be a smuggler or whatever you want. Don't let me hold you back. I'll get going right away," Luke stood up and began to wrap his few belongings in a spare shirt.

"Whoa," Han said, pushing Luke back onto his bunk, "I'm not planning on going anywhere. Especially not when you're down like this. You let me take care of you after the Death Star. Can't I help you now?"

"No," Luke said, turning away, "No, you can't."

Han wrapped an arm around the teen, who was slipping back into tears, "Can I try?"

"N-no! Just go back and spend time with Leia. Maybe I'll feel up to telling you later, okay? I just want you to be happy for a little while first."

"Luke, I can't be happy if I'm worrying about you. Tell me what's wrong, and I'll try to help. I'll feel better once I've at least tried."

Luke looked at Han doubtfully, then he opened his mouth and words poured out with apparently unstoppable speed, "It's my birthday, and Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen had promised we could spend it together. They'd made arrangements so we could go away and everything. It was supposed to be really special, and now they're dead and…and we never really did spend time together, and I was fighting with them before I left the day the Empire came. I never said sorry, and I never said goodbye, and I didn't tell them I loved them.

"I never had a birthday with my own family either, and it never even bothered me before because I was always with my aunt and uncle and they were always careful to keep my mind off of it. And now I feel like an awful son because it never even occurred to me. And on top of that, I never said goodbye to all of my friends on Tatooine. They don't even know where I am! They probably think I'm dead!

"And I can't go back to tell them I'm all right, and I can't go back and spend one more birthday with my aunt and uncle. And I'm never going to spend a birthday with my parents, and I'm not even sure any of them would want me anyway! I mean, in Anchorhead, there's almost no-one to be friends with so you're stuck with anyone around your age. And my mother and father might never have wanted a child, and my uncle told me sometimes that he wished I was out of his hair, and I've had awful thoughts about all of them sometimes! I don't deserve friends, I'm an awful murderer, I've probably killed almost as many people as Vader! I don't deserve to live."

He finally slumped down again, crying.

"Of course you deserve to live, Kid."

Luke just continued to crumple into a little ball.

"Luke, don't think that way. You're a wonderful person, of course you deserve to be loved."

"Well, it's not the way of the Force, is it? The Force has let my entire family be killed! Everyone I love is _gone_!"

Han tried to put his arms around the boy, but Luke shook him off.

"I need to go outside for a bit. I'll try to come back later. If I don't decide it's not worth it," Luke mumbled, his hand brushing his lightsaber.

"Hey, wait a second, Kid! I'm not going to let you kill yourself!"

Luke just sighed again and left the room, taking the half constructed bundle of his few belongings with him, trying to tie it up as he went.

Han let him go, then followed him. He trailed Luke silently; glad the kid had grown up without any need to detect concealment, and was therefore unaware of Han's presence.

He watched as the youth entered the hanger where his ship was kept and silently climbed into the cockpit, dropping his tiny bundle behind the seat and starting the engine.

Han swore silently. He hadn't thought that Luke would try to take off and leave the Alliance!

He ran out from the ship he'd taken cover under, "Wait, Kid! Where are you going to go? You don't have anywhere _to_ go! If the Empire catches you, they'll kill you! And anyone who helps you!"

Luke sighed, "Yeah. I know. I'm going to the Empire. They can do whatever they want to me. Just… take care of Leia for me, okay?"

"Kid, I'm not going to let you go to the Empire! Do you have any idea what they'd do to you?"

"Nothing Leia didn't live through. Maybe I can feel better when I've had what I deserve."

"Luke! Don't be ridiculous!"

"I'm not being ridiculous. I just… I need to find myself again."

"Giving yourself up is not a way to find yourself!"

Luke looked incredibly dejected, "Yeah, well, it's the only way I've got, isn't it?"

Han stared, but he knew that there was no changing Luke's mind, "Fine. I'm coming with you."

Luke's eyes sprang open, "What?"

"If you're going to give yourself up to the Empire, I'm gonna come with you!"

"You can't! Do you have any idea what they'll do to you?"

"Less than what they'll do to you!" Han shouted, scrambling up the side of the X-wing and lodging himself behind the seat.

Luke blinked at him a couple of times, then with wretched resignation he closed the cockpit and took off.

"You don't have to do this, you know. I could drop you off anytime. I'd feel better knowing you were protecting Leia."

Han turned on his comlink, "Luke you have to turn around. I know you think what you're doing is for the best, but if you go to the Empire they'll make you turn in the Alliance!"

Luke sighed, looking very small and vulnerable, "I know they'll try. But I'd die first."

"Luke! How can you do this! Leia loves you! You can't just leave her on her birthday! What kind of friend would do that?"

Luke sent his X-wing into hyperspace and curled up in a little ball on the seat, "I don't want to just be Leia's friend. Han, isn't it obvious I like her more than just that? She's the nicest girl I've ever met and… I think I'm in love with her."

Han pulled himself up from behind the seat, "Yeah, it's obvious, all right."

"She likes you more, though. That's why I wanted you to stay behind. She'd be happy if she just had you. You're the greatest person alive in her eyes, even if you can't stop fighting for long enough to kiss most of the time."

"Kid, if this is your way of trying to get attention, it's the weirdest ploy anyone's ever come up with."

"I…," Luke sniffled, "Please won't you let me take you back?"

"No."

"I'm just hoping… maybe… maybe Vader could teach me something."

"Vader? What's gotten into your head? Vader killed everyone you care about!"

"And I destroyed his home, therefore destroying everything he cared about."

"Luke. Vader's a Sith. He doesn't care."

"Then maybe he won't mind teaching me something."

"Luke, you are, by far, the strangest person I've ever met."

"I guess. But maybe he remembers something about my father. Maybe… oh, I don't even know what I'm hoping. I have this ridiculous feeling… like maybe I think my father is waiting there. Oh, you're right, Han, I really am ridiculous. And now… now this stupid navicomputer won't take us back home, because it's not programed to be able to come out of hyperspace whenever I ask it to, and we'll end up on the Empire's front doorstep and everything's going to be over for us!"

He burst into tears.

Han just stared.

"Luke, you've always been kinda… unexplainable, but have you eaten anything funny lately?"

"Not really. I'm just lonely. I miss my aunt and uncle, and I miss my friends, and I really, really want my father. I never thought I'd be alone on my birthday. And now I am… I don't know. Maybe I really did eat something funny. I just… it's like when Ben helped me use the Force… except that can't be it now, because he's not here and I haven't been able to use it unless he's with me in one way or another. It's just… something's telling me I need to see Vader."

Han grabbed his friend, "Luke, you've said some bizarre things, I'll be the first to admit, but this is crazy. You can't just go waltzing up to the Empire demanding to see Vader!"

"I don't have much of a choice now, do I?" Luke demanded, jabbing a finger at the navicomputer, which was telling Han very clearly that they were headed for the Imperial Center.

Luke curled up in a ball again, pressing himself against the side of the cockpit. Han climbed over the seat and pulled the kid onto his lap.

"Hey, Luke, it's all right."

"Han, I'm going crazy! I'm not good at being alone!"

"You're not alone, Kid. I'm here with you, and Leia's with you in spirit, or in the Force, if you'd rather believe that. I came with you, even to the Empire. I'll protect you from them as best I can, and maybe if we cause enough trouble, we can even get ourselves taken to Vader."

Luke sniffled and nodded, "I feel like it's really important."

"Yeah, I've noticed."

"I don't think I did eat anything funny. I think it's just stress. I mean, everyone expects me to be a hero now, they want me to be able to turn the Force on and off like it's nothing, and I can't. And now I'm lonely and the Force, which I _cannot_ shut off, no matter how hard I try, is telling me that I need to see Vader and… Oh, Han, how do adults cope with this stuff all the time?"

Han blinked.

"We don't?"

"You don't?"

"No."

"You mean it's not always gonna be like this?"

"No."

"Oh, good."

"I hate to say this when you're just starting to seem to feel better, but we're coming out of hyperspace."

Luke squeaked, "Oh no!"

Han took the controls while Luke broke down completely, which he was surprised to find considerably less disturbing than when he was just coherent enough for words.

"You think you're up for seeing Vader when you're like this?"

Surprisingly, Luke seemed comforted by the idea, "Yes. Yes. Definitely yes."

"Whatever you say, Kid."

Han forced himself not to fly away from the Empire, as far and as fast as possible, and brought the little fighter down at the castle he knew from flying away from it.

"Here we are, kid. Vader's castle. I thought we might as well go straight to the top."

Luke nodded, wiping away his tears and leapt out of the ship.

"Han?"

"Yeah, Luke?"

"I saw Obi-Wan for a second there and now I know why- Vader!" Luke's voice rose as he spotted the dark figure on the opposite side of the platform.

"Father!"

Han stared, dumbstruck, as Luke raced across the platform, throwing himself at Vader, who, unless Han was much mistaken, was every bit as confused as himself.

Vader detached the young man from himself just as Luke began to cry again, but in a way that seemed more happy than sad.

Han saw him open his mouth as if he was about to explain everything, and ran across the platform after him, only hoping this explanation would make more sense than the ones that had preceded it.

"I- Vader, I mean, Father, I mean… you don't know who I am, do you?"

Vader shook his head, apparently stunned into civility.

"I'm Luke Skywalker. I'm your son. Obi-Wan took me away from you when I was tiny, I guess before you knew I'd been born. I didn't know what had happened so… I never came back to you. But lately, since he told me I was Force sensitive and my father had been a Jedi, I've been starting to want to come to you. I didn't understand it, because he said that you'd killed my father. And it was making me feel awful, so I'd pretty much stopped eating."

Han could see, now that he looked, that Luke had nothing resembling body mass.

"I was getting stomach aches every time I thought about eating. And I was feeling really pressured because of the expectations that Alliance had ever since the Death Star, and today was my birthday and I felt unbearably lonely because I missed my aunt and uncle, and it was worse because I'd been too preoccupied to tell my new friends that it was my birthday. And," he turned to Han, "I'm really sorry I put you through this, Han," he turned back to Vader, "I freaked out and decided to give myself up, and just as my ship was coming out of hyperspace Obi-Wan spoke to me from the Force and told me that you are really my father and," he paused to take a great gulp of air and Vader cut him off.

"Luke. Go inside."

Luke's face, moments ago filled with such hopeful wonder, fell, "You don't believe me."

"Go inside, Son."

"You do believe me!"

"You're my son. I can sense that. But before I get any kind of understandable explanation, you need sleep and food. Come along."

The dark man put his left arm around Luke, holding Luke's hand tightly in his own.

Han stood and stared. Vader was accepting Luke? Because Luke broke down in front of him? Just because he had given one more person a nervous breakdown?

Vader gestured that Han should follow, and Han did as directed, too confused and afraid to question it. He hung back and watched in mounting confusion as Vader tended to Luke. He convinced Luke to eat, telling him that he didn't need to worry about the stomach aches anymore. As long as Vader stayed by his side, everything would be all right.

Then he tried to coax Luke into sleeping, but the boy was far too thoroughly energized by suddenly being around someone he had claimed as his father. And, slowly, Han found himself infected by the boy's sureness. His certainty, the way he clung to Vader instantly, the way Vader did nothing to push him away, all made Han believe it.

As was only natural, it was incredibly hard to believe, but when Luke was finally mostly calmed, and Vader was able to stop trying to calm him, the older man pushed the younger into his bed, and they sat side by side, panting. For just a moment, their faces matched, their tired expressions still holding traces of mania.

"You…you really are related aren't you?"

"Yes," Luke said with such utmost certainty that Han couldn't bring himself to disbelieve it.

"Yes, we certainly are," Vader finished.

That was when Han realized he hadn't turned off his comlink.


End file.
